Monday, April 20, 2009

Top Ten Reasons Java Developers Fear The Oracle Buyout

It is huge news indeed, and so without further ado, here are the Top Ten Reasons why Java developers fear the Oracle buyout:

#10 Any Java class with the name Table in it will have a 30 character limit

#9 Your favorite open-source IDE will become a Toad plugin

#8 Applications will become known as Enterprise Stored Procedures

#7 Ignoring silly hexadecimal, the CEO will insist the venerable CAFEBABE header be changed to IAMLARRY

#6 Prospective JavaOne speakers will need to win a yacht race as part of the acceptance process. JavaOne itself will be held on a desert island.

#5 The beloved Java Posse will suddenly resurface as the PL/SQL Posse

#4 The classloader will become a fork of MySQL and require a series of certification tests before modification

#3 The next version of Java will be known as JDK 7g

#2 A new Swing API will replace EventListener with TNSListener, requiring annoying server configuration.

and the top reason Java developers fear the Oracle buyout:

#1 DBAs will park in reserved slots, acquire window offices, and gleefully demand that everything goes into Fourth Normal Form.

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Introducing @patentlyfalse (read more here).

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Anonymous said...


Vincetastic said...

Hey Michael, this is a really funny top ten list. I would totally fear anything to do with Oracle, from what I hear they breed a horrible culture. You can post this to our site and then link back to your site. We are looking for top ten lists and our users can track back to your site. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.

chanon said...

Youu did my day with number 10! Great funny list. Thanks.

fabrizio giudici said...


MSalah said...

Next netbeans version will be

Anonymous said...

And the number one way to screw up a blog post.....

* have a chunk of your list hosted somewhere else!

Seriously. What are you thinking? It was funny until you made it a pain in the arse to read.

I haven't watched in a while, but is Letterman now telling people to go view webisodes to catch the rest of his top 10?

Eric Burke said...

Anonymous is such an arse. Thanks for a great post, Mike!

Anonymous said...

An arse, for sure. But correct as well.

Michael Easter said...

Thanks everyone.

Due to the traffic, I decided to preserve the entire list and placed the top 3 on here as well as over at Patently False.

Some of the previous comments refer to my 'tease' of putting the top 3 on the new Twitter feed.

I offer no apology: I do this blog for free with no Google Ads. However, I like #1-3 and decided to replace them here.

Michael Easter said...

re: Vincetastic. I haven't heard that Oracle breeds a horrible culture. I don't think there is necessarily anything to fear.

FWIW, this is just a joke. The Java Posse has a very cool podcast with the Java team at Oracle: they are clearly serious about Java.

That said, one can't pass up an opportunity like this!

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