Top Ten Reasons Java Developers Fear The Oracle Buyout

It is huge news indeed, and so without further ado, here are the Top Ten Reasons why Java developers fear the Oracle buyout:

#10 Any Java class with the name Table in it will have a 30 character limit

#9 Your favorite open-source IDE will become a Toad plugin

#8 Applications will become known as Enterprise Stored Procedures

#7 Ignoring silly hexadecimal, the CEO will insist the venerable CAFEBABE header be changed to IAMLARRY

#6 Prospective JavaOne speakers will need to win a yacht race as part of the acceptance process. JavaOne itself will be held on a desert island.

#5 The beloved Java Posse will suddenly resurface as the PL/SQL Posse

#4 The classloader will become a fork of MySQL and require a series of certification tests before modification

#3 The next version of Java will be known as JDK 7g

#2 A new Swing API will replace EventListener with TNSListener, requiring annoying server configuration.

and the top reason Java developers fear the Oracle buyout:

#1 DBAs will park in reserved slots, acquire window offices, and gleefully demand that everything goes into Fourth Normal Form.

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